I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
