why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
