this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
