meet me or not, i'm out of control
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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