Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize