we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize