She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
