i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
