Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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