I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
