why didn't you poke me back
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
