Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  barbara walters just said penis...

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  (650): barbara walters just said penis... http://tfl.nu/ninz
  Replies (10) Good night (2814) Bad night (878)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."

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  (203): So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm." http://tfl.nu/f62k
  Replies (19) Good night (3663) Bad night (963)
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  (916): View more from California

  this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.

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  (916): this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her. http://tfl.nu/xmhd
  Replies (26) Good night (4969) Bad night (798)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7522) Bad night (882)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..

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  (734): i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth.. http://tfl.nu/wfim
  Replies (17) Good night (4021) Bad night (1543)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"

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  (845): Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!" http://tfl.nu/ndk1
  Replies (4) Good night (5000) Bad night (809)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds

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  (303): Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/arjt
  Replies (14) Good night (2567) Bad night (840)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview

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  (850): No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview http://tfl.nu/suz9
  Replies (5) Good night (1133) Bad night (510)
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  (619): View more from California

  I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.

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  (619): I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth. http://tfl.nu/xt4j
  Replies (9) Good night (1462) Bad night (360)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers

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  (+61): Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers http://tfl.nu/a2tk
  Replies (7) Good night (1145) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

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  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1698) Bad night (390)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives

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  (508): Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives http://tfl.nu/526e
  Replies (5) Good night (339) Bad night (918)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Please never have kids.

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  (727): I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour. (1-727): Please never have kids. http://tfl.nu/il5z
  Replies (4) Good night (690) Bad night (273)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.

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  (509): Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse. http://tfl.nu/4hg3
  Replies (0) Good night (477) Bad night (284)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"

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  (630): At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!" http://tfl.nu/yo6b
  Replies (3) Good night (970) Bad night (307)

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