Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird