Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
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cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.