We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas