girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care