the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.