I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
