I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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