well you can't waste a boner
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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