i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
