omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
