the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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