It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
