I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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