plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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