So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need moral support for this bender
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
