We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
