when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
