k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
