i think my mom watched the whole time
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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