Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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