I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
