Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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