Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
zippers are such a cool invention
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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