My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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