oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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