She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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