I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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