Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
