I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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