I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
FUCK WHALES
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
