At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize