I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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