My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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