i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
