ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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