my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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