this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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