is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
