i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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