you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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