It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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