you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
