I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
