New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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