is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
