did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This toilet bowl is my home.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Two words: nipple clamps
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