Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
