blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
