Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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