Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
